pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
