you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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