remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
