Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
