i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
