My liver just broke up with me...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize