im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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