I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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