Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize