Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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