u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
