She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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