the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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