I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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