did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
