NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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