somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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