Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
