There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
