I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
