last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
