I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
