i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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