I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
