Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
