I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize