There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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