What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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