Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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