Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize