marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
