i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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