No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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