Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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