I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
