The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
