After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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