I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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