the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
