love makes seman taste better
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
