Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
