Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize