I will die if light touches me.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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