dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
