Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
