Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
