Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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