i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
