Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize