Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
