yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
