I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize