Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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