NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
