woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
