I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
