first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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