I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
