Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
