I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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