I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
