Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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