Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
