Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
