So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize