Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
