I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
