I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
