Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
