census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
