she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize